I was a murder suspect until semiotics exonerated me.

That's the short version of the story. The bartender at my local found himself in Gainesville FL suspected of committing a series of murders. His big haired blond date pushed away, his feet kicked apart and head slammed to the hood of a police car, only a notepad could save this Englishman from wrongful incrimination. It was just a simple coincidence that he had been standing at the very intersection, drunk, with a drunk woman where at least three women had last been seen. Welcome to the You Ess of Ay. The policeman decided, in good form, to give my friend a ride to the address he was staying, so conveniently written in the notepad amongst drunken scribblings insulting various aspects of Americana. One word didn't make sense. Semiotics. "No, it's the study of signs." The police car came to a stop.
"Like that sign there?"
Yield.
No.
Stop. Fucking stop.
No one should have to explain semiotics to a cop at four in the morning.
"Yes, like that. It's like urban planning. I'm studying urban signs."
"Oh, my cousin is an urban planner. Let me give you a tour of Gainesville and her signs."

As my next effort in pomoro, I've decided to take out a personal ad. No, it's not very original. I was thinking of spicing it up with some new acronyms but confusion is a turn off. No, my ad is pretty standard.

SWM, 23, ISO SF 20-45 4 FWB maybe LTR, into random fits of dancing, 3rd person omniscient jokes, walking fast, peoplewatching. Let's have a drink together.

I always assumed people who wrote personals did so out of shyness or ignominy. Continuing this would be an exercise in existing conventions of romance. Therefore I've decided to take out a personal in the Gainesville school of semiotics manner. Affording myself neither the confidentiality of a personal nor the luxury to express myself in more than fifty words, I will be holding up my personal ad in high volume centres of traffic. If you're around East London over the next few days and see a skinny kid with a sickly hunger for booze and company holding the sign described above, I suggest you join him.